5 Of The Best: George Eastman Movies

George Eastman (born Luigi Montefiori) is not only an experienced Euro-cult actor (with around 60 film and television acting credits to his name) but also an accomplished writer, producer and even director. Although his isn't a name that you might hear mentioned very often he has been involved in some impressive movies during the course of his career, and in celebration of George Eastman Week we're about to take a look at what I believe are five of his best, and one that you should probably avoid.

ANTHROPOPHAGUS (1980) full review

Lets start out with the obvious. ANTHROPOPHAGUS (also THE GRIM REAPER, THE BEAST, MAN EATER and a slew of other titles) is one of the many occasions where George Eastman teamed up with sleaze-tastic director Joe D'Amato. The result was a film so grotesque and depraved that it swiftly ended up on the notorious 'Video Nasties' list. The truth is its not really all that extreme - especially nowadays - but its still worth a look even just to see just what kinds of atrocities a film needed to portray to end up on that infamous list. Fetus eating and autocannibalism are the order of the day and George Eastman's portrayal of the insane flesh-eating monster is near unforgettable.

THE NEW BARBARIANS (1983) full review

Italian post-apocalyptic trash is some of the best trash out there, and George Eastman is no stranger to appearing in some of the more impressive films. With a remarkable resume including ENDGAME, 2019 AFTER THE FALL OF NEW YORK and THE BRONX WARRIORS my favorite is easily Enzo Castellari's THE NEW BARBARIANS. Its a ridiculously 80s vision of the future complete with awful clothes, buckets of silver paint and a pulsing synth score by Claudio Simonetti. It also has Fred fucking Williamson blowing shit up with explosive arrows, and we're even treated to a scene where Eastman's villainous character gives the good guy a nice ass-raping.

RABID DOGS (1974)

Rabid dogs was filmed in '74 but was siezed by the courts before release due to the producer going bankrupt. As a result Mario Bava's masterpiece of tension and suspense didn't receive a release until 1998 which is a fucking shame because according to his son Lamberto, Mario considered this his most important work. The bulk of RABID DOGS is shot in a car after a trio of criminals pull off a heist and escape the cops. George Eastman puts on probably his most impressive acting display as he plays a violent, sadistic and perverted thug. A brilliant precursor to films like RESERVOIR DOGS Bava's thriller throws a shocking curve-ball  at the end.

DELIRIUM (1987)

DELIRIUM starts out looking like a sleazy porno, with photos of nude and semi-nude women and some awful porn music. Sleazy and perverted and full of tits, Lamberto Bava's DELIRIUM actually ends up being quite a strong giallo flick with some stylish lighting and camera work and some interesting surreal scenes shown from the killer's pov. Apart from George Eastman (who doesn't really have a huge role to be honest) it also stars Serena Grandi (from ANTHROPOPHAGUS) and Daria Nicolodi (name an Argento flick and she's probably in it). If you like your giallo with plenty of skin and blood then DELIRIUM is definitely worth looking at.

STAGE FRIGHT (1987)

A stage rehearsal goes bad when the cast find themselves locked in the theatre with a killer! Michele Soavi's debut feature is a stylish mix of giallo and slasher, unsurprising when you realize he previously worked as assistant director under Italian legends Joe D'Amato, Dario Argento and Lamberto Bava. George Eastman doesn't have an acting part in this flick, rather this is one of his efforts at writing a screenplay. Murder, mystery and heavy metal is on the menu as are an entertaining array of death scenes and a killer wearing a giant owl's head mask, and all of it is captured with some excellent camera work.

And finally here's one to avoid...

For Eastman completionists it might be worth a watch just to see the man parading around like a prehistoric Hitler, wearing a fake lion head and swinging a chunk of iron as he declares war on everything (trust me it's not as awesome as it sounds), but otherwise I suggest staying far away from this Umberto Lenzi turkey. The poster art may look super fucking badass but don't let it fool you, there is no radical looking battle-axe and certainly no tits in this movie. And the icing on the shit-cake is Sam Pasco in the lead, a former gay adult film star (known as Big Max) who couldn't act his way out of a paper bag. 

ANTHROPOPHAGUS (1980) Review

Directed by: Joe D'Amato
Written by: George Eastman, Joe D'Amato
Starring: Tisa Farrow, Saverio Vallone, Serena Grandi, Margaret Mazzantini, George Eastman, Zora Kerova

"IT'S NOT THE FEAR THAT TEARS YOU APART... IT'S HIM!"

It wouldn't truly be George Eastman Week without looking at his role in the controversial and much-hyped ANTHROPOPHAGUS (although to be honest it still wouldn't truly be George Eastman Week because that's something I just made up...). Known by an impressive array of titles including THE BEAST, THE GRIM REAPER and MAN EATER (even somehow managing to be branded as ZOMBI 7 despite containing exactly zero zombies and being connected to the previous films in no discernible way - but hey I suppose that's par for the course in Italian exploitation cinema) Joe D'Amato's trashy, sleazy slasher is only truly remembered due to its inclusion in the infamous 'Video Nasties' list. Along with CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST it's commonly referred to as one of the more nasty films on the list and much like that cannibal classic the director of this film was also taken to court in order to defend one of the movie's more gruesome scenes involving a supposed human fetus. Because people were fucking idiots back in the 80s apparently.

In a not so subtle JAWS reference the movie begins with a couple enjoying a stroll along a beach. The girl strips down to her bikini and goes for a swim while the dude lies back and listens to some atrocious electro music on his oversized 80s headphones. An underwater shot lets us know that there is something below the water (something that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever when you think about it) and within seconds the girl starts screaming as something grabs her from below. Distracted by his terrible music the boyfriend is oblivious and soon finds a meat cleaver buried in his skull.
Bikini babes, underwater predators and cleavers in heads is a great way to start off any film, and with its notorious reputation you can only imagine that things just get better from here on out. After all this is a movie which the BBC falsely reported as a snuff film, so it must be pretty fucking extreme, right?

The short answer is no. In fact ANTHROPOPHAGUS may be one of the most overblown and overhyped movies of all time. But you know what? I'm not even going to bother detailing the dubious effects or disturbing subject matter, I'm sure plenty of other reviewers have lauded this movie as the pinnacle of depravity (or conversely an overhyped horror turkey) and gone on to describe the infamous fetus-eating scene in great detail. In fact as strange as it may sound the gore is one of the less impressive aspects of the movie and the most interesting (for me at least) was the spectacle of watching George Eastman hulking around the island, his hair wild and receding, his face a valley of pock marks and scars, clutching and swinging a meat cleaver. This kind of role doesn't exactly call for award winning acting (or any real acting at all to be honest) but Eastman is a perfect fit as the insane, menacing cannibal.

The sometimes all too strong allure of forbidden fruit is what has made this movie so popular, it was after all one of the nastiest 'Nasties' and I suppose people are curious to see exactly what got Mary Whitehouse's knickers all twisted up. ANTHROPOPHAGUS also has some decent cult cred what with sleaze merchant Joe D'Amato at the helm, Eastman playing the killer, Tisa Farrow (of ZOMBI 2 fame) and also Zora Kerova (CANNIBAL FEROX) both playing parts as well. It's a hard movie to recommend due to the pretty atrocious acting, pacing, effects, characters and well... everything really. But at the same time this is a film that everybody needs to see at least once. It's a milestone in Italian exploitation and actually has some great location shots and its easily worth watching just to see George Eastman's beastly killer biting into whatever the fuck he wants to. Come for the fetus eating, stay for the lovely island backdrop.

THE NEW BARBARIANS (1983) Review

Directed by: Enzo G. Castellari
Written by: Tito Carpi, Antonio Visone, Enzo G. Castellari
Starring: Giancarlo Prete, Fred Williamson, George Eastman, Anna Kanakis, Ennio Girolami, Massimo Vanni

"DEALERS IN DEATH... EXTERMINATORS OF THE 21ST CENTURY..."

To kick off George Eastman week (don't bother looking it up it's not a real thing you idiot) I've decided to re-watch and review one of my favorite post apocalyptic flicks of all time. Get ready for some mind-blowing futuristic mayhem as we go back to the future and take a look at Enzo G. Castellari's THE NEW BARBARIANS.

An obviously miniaturised model of a cityscape stands before our eyes. Within seconds we hear the high-pitched whistling of an incoming projectile. A bright shape streaks across the sky and impacts the city. BOOM! As Claudio Simonetti's throbbing synth score kicks in the title flashes upon the screen followed by the opening credits, all the while we watch as the city is swallowed in a billowing cloud of smoke and flame.
Welcome to the future. With the city out of view the text on screen tells us that it is now the year 2019 and the nuclear holocaust we just witnessed is finally over. Civilization's remaining inhabitants have crawled out from their shelters into the relative safety of the now uncontaminated wasteland. The nuclear fallout may not be a threat but of course there are much worse things roaming the wastes.

Things may have been different in the 80s but nowadays THE NEW BARBARIANS' view of the 21st Century is hilarious. Thugs and cutthroats roam the deserts (as you would expect) but rather than the tough, dangerous looking pieces of machinery shown so brilliantly in THE ROAD WARRIOR the villains in this future drive around in modified golf carts, reaching dizzying speeds of over 20 miles an hour. And when they're not wasting fuel (presumably a rare commodity in a post-apocalyptic world) by driving around and around in circles like douchebags, they're terrorizing innocents with their futuristic pew-pew energy weapons. Like douchebags.
Yes this is the kind of future where the bad guys wear big shoulder guards and everybody has a name like Scorpion, Shadow or One. Just think, only five more years until we see this shit for real!

The movie follows our hero Scorpion (played by Giancarlo Prete - and yes I was being serious about the names) who drives around in a car which looks like the retarded love child of Max Rockatansky's Interceptor and that car Homer designed in that one Simpsons episode. And you can tell he's a badass because he has a skull for a hood ornament.
He has a run-in with The Templars, a vicious group of dudes whose goal it is to cleanse the land by killing everybody. Probably not the best long term plan. Anyhow, turns out Scorp used to be a fucking Templar! And now that they know he's back in town their leader One (played brilliantly by George Eastman) wants some good old fashioned revenge. There are some other characters and a limp romance but basically that's the whole premise. Oh and unfortunately there is only one black person in the future, but on the plus side that one black person is Fred fucking Williamson, and he fires exploding arrows! Now that's tough.

Props to the design department whose vision for the future was to dress everybody in stupid clothes, put useless plastic domes on all of the cars and then spray-paint everything in sight silver. And I'd also like to give a shoutout to the Foley artist, I'm curious as to whether they used a blender or a vacuum cleaner to make the sound of the futuristic vehicles. Whichever it was it was fucking annoying and they probably deserve a punch in the face. And speaking of faces and punching I have to mention the young boy whose name I forget. He's supposedly a genius mechanic charged with maintaining Scorpion's car, but he also happens to have the most punchable face in the world. Even his killer skill with a slingshot doesn't detract from my wanting to pound his fucking teeth in. Thankfully his on-screen time is rather minimal.

Since this is George Eastman week let's talk a little more about him. Nobody could ever accuse him of being a great actor but he is brilliant in this flick, embracing his role as the post-apocalyptic death cult leader. Also worth mentioning is the rather unexpected scene where The Templars actually catch Scorpion and in preparation for his execution One gives him his 'initiation'. Initiation is code for 'getting raped in the ass by George Eastman' by the way. Yep. In fact One is probably the most interesting and confusing character in the movie, from his quote about books being responsible for the apocalypse (did I miss something?) right up to his idea to exterminate every living thing on the planet. Oh, why can't we all just get along?

In summary: go see this movie right now. Right fucking now.