BESTIALITA' (1976) Review

Directed by: George Eastman, Peter Skerl
Written by: George Eastman, Peter Skerl
Starring: Philippe March, Juliette Mayniel, Leonora Fani, Enrico Maria Salerno, Franca Stoppi

BESTIALITA' (aka DOG LAY AFTERNOON) is a thick slice of sleazy Italian erotica which was co-written and co-directed by Euro-cult legend George Eastman; remembered by most as the beast from ANTHROPOPHAGUS. No stranger to perversion and filth (he had a history of working with Joe D'Amato and appearing in such films as EROTIC NIGHTS OF THE LIVING DEAD and HARD SENSATION) he managed to crank things up a notch in this film by adding some forbidden love in the form of some interspecies sex between a woman and her faithful Doberman. Does this mean that dog is actually woman's best friend?

In one of the most memorable opening sequences in the history of cinema we watch as a young girl plays outside on her bike. She is lured towards the window of her home by a woman's moans. Through the window the girls sees her mother lying naked on her back on the floor, the lovable family pet on top of her, thrusting away (the film makers somehow missing the perfect opportunity to include the much more appropriate doggystyle position). Suddenly Husband walks through the door, and he's not at all happy about Wife and Dog doing the horizontal mambo on the living room floor. He pulls up his naked wife, gives her a smack and shoves her out the door before tying up Fido and then burning the house down with the animal inside. A little harsh on the dog if you ask me, I'm sure the whole sex thing wasn't his idea. But then again you never know, maybe the dog used his canine charm to seduce the woman, plying her with alcohol and then having his way with her. But we'll never truly know because the dog is fucking dead now.
But I digress.

It's at around this point that I imagine most people turn the film off, eject the disc and throw it down a well. And then blow up the well and bulldoze the rubble into the ocean. After all bestiality isn't something most people really like to think about or talk about, kind of like the Holocaust, or Limp Bizkit.
But (simulated) bestiality aside the rest of the film settles into a much more palatable kind of erotica; the kind where humans have sex with humans and dance naked at crazy swingers parties. Some years after the young girl sees her mother ding the dirty with Rex she has apparently run away from home and lives on a small island with her very own Doberman.
Paul (March) is an architect visiting said island in order to design some kind of tourism development. His wife Yvette (Mayniel) has tagged along even though it's obvious that she would really rather be somewhere else. The couple see the girl (whose name is Jeanine - played by Leonora Fani) around the island with her dog but each time she disappears with a ghost-like suddenness.

Paul and Yvette finally meet up with Jeanine after she steals Paul's camera and they form a kind of family relationship. The couple have been trying unsuccessfully for years to have a child and Jeanine has in a way filled the void and somewhat repaired their marriage. But this relationship takes a quasi-incestuous turn, culminating in a threesome involving the pair and their surrogate daughter. The movie also takes an unexpected turn ending with a bloody climax (pun intended) and an ironic twist after finding out from a private investigator that Jeanine is ill.

From what I can gather BESTIALITA' only ever received a release in Italy and as a consequence the only official way to get a hold of it is by trying to find the Italian dvd - which has no subtitles. I've noticed that other reviewers have mentioned that they could follow the story well enough without understanding any of the dialogue but in all honesty I have to say that they are actually missing out on quite a lot. Take for instance the scene where Paul and Yvette discuss which of the party attendants they would rather fuck, or the deliciously ironic and depressing ending. But don't fret because it is possible to watch the movie with English subs, if you rip the dvd (or find a torrent) you can download the subtitles here. Without the subs BESTIALITA' is a decent (if rather slow) sleaze flick, but with them it is actually quite interesting. But that all depends on whether or not you can get past the whole dog-fucking thing.

ANTHROPOPHAGUS (1980) Review

Directed by: Joe D'Amato
Written by: George Eastman, Joe D'Amato
Starring: Tisa Farrow, Saverio Vallone, Serena Grandi, Margaret Mazzantini, George Eastman, Zora Kerova

"IT'S NOT THE FEAR THAT TEARS YOU APART... IT'S HIM!"

It wouldn't truly be George Eastman Week without looking at his role in the controversial and much-hyped ANTHROPOPHAGUS (although to be honest it still wouldn't truly be George Eastman Week because that's something I just made up...). Known by an impressive array of titles including THE BEAST, THE GRIM REAPER and MAN EATER (even somehow managing to be branded as ZOMBI 7 despite containing exactly zero zombies and being connected to the previous films in no discernible way - but hey I suppose that's par for the course in Italian exploitation cinema) Joe D'Amato's trashy, sleazy slasher is only truly remembered due to its inclusion in the infamous 'Video Nasties' list. Along with CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST it's commonly referred to as one of the more nasty films on the list and much like that cannibal classic the director of this film was also taken to court in order to defend one of the movie's more gruesome scenes involving a supposed human fetus. Because people were fucking idiots back in the 80s apparently.

In a not so subtle JAWS reference the movie begins with a couple enjoying a stroll along a beach. The girl strips down to her bikini and goes for a swim while the dude lies back and listens to some atrocious electro music on his oversized 80s headphones. An underwater shot lets us know that there is something below the water (something that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever when you think about it) and within seconds the girl starts screaming as something grabs her from below. Distracted by his terrible music the boyfriend is oblivious and soon finds a meat cleaver buried in his skull.
Bikini babes, underwater predators and cleavers in heads is a great way to start off any film, and with its notorious reputation you can only imagine that things just get better from here on out. After all this is a movie which the BBC falsely reported as a snuff film, so it must be pretty fucking extreme, right?

The short answer is no. In fact ANTHROPOPHAGUS may be one of the most overblown and overhyped movies of all time. But you know what? I'm not even going to bother detailing the dubious effects or disturbing subject matter, I'm sure plenty of other reviewers have lauded this movie as the pinnacle of depravity (or conversely an overhyped horror turkey) and gone on to describe the infamous fetus-eating scene in great detail. In fact as strange as it may sound the gore is one of the less impressive aspects of the movie and the most interesting (for me at least) was the spectacle of watching George Eastman hulking around the island, his hair wild and receding, his face a valley of pock marks and scars, clutching and swinging a meat cleaver. This kind of role doesn't exactly call for award winning acting (or any real acting at all to be honest) but Eastman is a perfect fit as the insane, menacing cannibal.

The sometimes all too strong allure of forbidden fruit is what has made this movie so popular, it was after all one of the nastiest 'Nasties' and I suppose people are curious to see exactly what got Mary Whitehouse's knickers all twisted up. ANTHROPOPHAGUS also has some decent cult cred what with sleaze merchant Joe D'Amato at the helm, Eastman playing the killer, Tisa Farrow (of ZOMBI 2 fame) and also Zora Kerova (CANNIBAL FEROX) both playing parts as well. It's a hard movie to recommend due to the pretty atrocious acting, pacing, effects, characters and well... everything really. But at the same time this is a film that everybody needs to see at least once. It's a milestone in Italian exploitation and actually has some great location shots and its easily worth watching just to see George Eastman's beastly killer biting into whatever the fuck he wants to. Come for the fetus eating, stay for the lovely island backdrop.

THE NEW BARBARIANS (1983) Review

Directed by: Enzo G. Castellari
Written by: Tito Carpi, Antonio Visone, Enzo G. Castellari
Starring: Giancarlo Prete, Fred Williamson, George Eastman, Anna Kanakis, Ennio Girolami, Massimo Vanni

"DEALERS IN DEATH... EXTERMINATORS OF THE 21ST CENTURY..."

To kick off George Eastman week (don't bother looking it up it's not a real thing you idiot) I've decided to re-watch and review one of my favorite post apocalyptic flicks of all time. Get ready for some mind-blowing futuristic mayhem as we go back to the future and take a look at Enzo G. Castellari's THE NEW BARBARIANS.

An obviously miniaturised model of a cityscape stands before our eyes. Within seconds we hear the high-pitched whistling of an incoming projectile. A bright shape streaks across the sky and impacts the city. BOOM! As Claudio Simonetti's throbbing synth score kicks in the title flashes upon the screen followed by the opening credits, all the while we watch as the city is swallowed in a billowing cloud of smoke and flame.
Welcome to the future. With the city out of view the text on screen tells us that it is now the year 2019 and the nuclear holocaust we just witnessed is finally over. Civilization's remaining inhabitants have crawled out from their shelters into the relative safety of the now uncontaminated wasteland. The nuclear fallout may not be a threat but of course there are much worse things roaming the wastes.

Things may have been different in the 80s but nowadays THE NEW BARBARIANS' view of the 21st Century is hilarious. Thugs and cutthroats roam the deserts (as you would expect) but rather than the tough, dangerous looking pieces of machinery shown so brilliantly in THE ROAD WARRIOR the villains in this future drive around in modified golf carts, reaching dizzying speeds of over 20 miles an hour. And when they're not wasting fuel (presumably a rare commodity in a post-apocalyptic world) by driving around and around in circles like douchebags, they're terrorizing innocents with their futuristic pew-pew energy weapons. Like douchebags.
Yes this is the kind of future where the bad guys wear big shoulder guards and everybody has a name like Scorpion, Shadow or One. Just think, only five more years until we see this shit for real!

The movie follows our hero Scorpion (played by Giancarlo Prete - and yes I was being serious about the names) who drives around in a car which looks like the retarded love child of Max Rockatansky's Interceptor and that car Homer designed in that one Simpsons episode. And you can tell he's a badass because he has a skull for a hood ornament.
He has a run-in with The Templars, a vicious group of dudes whose goal it is to cleanse the land by killing everybody. Probably not the best long term plan. Anyhow, turns out Scorp used to be a fucking Templar! And now that they know he's back in town their leader One (played brilliantly by George Eastman) wants some good old fashioned revenge. There are some other characters and a limp romance but basically that's the whole premise. Oh and unfortunately there is only one black person in the future, but on the plus side that one black person is Fred fucking Williamson, and he fires exploding arrows! Now that's tough.

Props to the design department whose vision for the future was to dress everybody in stupid clothes, put useless plastic domes on all of the cars and then spray-paint everything in sight silver. And I'd also like to give a shoutout to the Foley artist, I'm curious as to whether they used a blender or a vacuum cleaner to make the sound of the futuristic vehicles. Whichever it was it was fucking annoying and they probably deserve a punch in the face. And speaking of faces and punching I have to mention the young boy whose name I forget. He's supposedly a genius mechanic charged with maintaining Scorpion's car, but he also happens to have the most punchable face in the world. Even his killer skill with a slingshot doesn't detract from my wanting to pound his fucking teeth in. Thankfully his on-screen time is rather minimal.

Since this is George Eastman week let's talk a little more about him. Nobody could ever accuse him of being a great actor but he is brilliant in this flick, embracing his role as the post-apocalyptic death cult leader. Also worth mentioning is the rather unexpected scene where The Templars actually catch Scorpion and in preparation for his execution One gives him his 'initiation'. Initiation is code for 'getting raped in the ass by George Eastman' by the way. Yep. In fact One is probably the most interesting and confusing character in the movie, from his quote about books being responsible for the apocalypse (did I miss something?) right up to his idea to exterminate every living thing on the planet. Oh, why can't we all just get along?

In summary: go see this movie right now. Right fucking now.