PMS COP (2014) Review

Directed by: Bryon Blakey
Written by: Bryon Blakey
Starring: Heather Hall, Cindy Means, Elaine Jenkins, David J. Lee, Megan Dehart, Kristin Mothersbaugh

"IT'S HER TIME OF THE MONTH!"

Full Moon Streaming are currently offering a free 1 week trial if you're interested. That's right, one full week of as many movies as you can watch. For free. And there's plenty to choose from, from the expected Full Moon collection (as much PUPPET MASTER, KILLJOY and TRANCERS as you could ever hope for) to a whole slew of grindhouse and exploitation classics (ALIEN CONTAMINATION, INSEMINOID, VIOLENT CITY and THE LAST MAN ON EARTH among others) and even some newer flicks from Wizard Studios, including this gem which instantly caught my eye. I have to admit I don't usually go out of my way to check many movies this side of the new millennium but with the title, artwork and trailer I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to watch PMS COP. Plus it was free so even if it did end up sucking I wouldn't be losing anything apart from a bit of my not-so-precious time.

The good news is that it didn't suck. Quite the opposite in fact.
PMS COP is about Mary (Hall), a cop with a bit of an anger issue who has been on the night shift with her partner James for a few years. After responding to a call of a home intrusion Mary and James chase after a clown who has broken into a woman's house and raped her. After the clown knocks down James and attacks Mary, she decides that this rapist scum needs a good beating. Unfortunately the ass-kicking is caught on camera and Mary's superiors are none too happy. Mary goes to therapy for her anger problems and her therapist refers her to an experimental program which will apparently 'cure' her PMS which is causing her aggression. Unfortunately the experiment involves medication in conjunction with an implanted chip which was in a\its former life a failed military experiment. And we all know how experimental military technology turns out in these type of movies...

Long story short the experiment goes wrong (bet you didn't see that coming!) and Mary's aggression increases. Now PMS COP is on the loose and when her medical handlers try to reign her in she decides that she doesn't want to cooperate. Add in some super-strength mutation and you have an hour and a half of brutal (but strangely sexy) revenge fuelled mayhem. Officer Mary is on the beat, and watch out bad guys because it IS her time of the month.

There's nothing really new here, in case you were wondering. Science-gone-wrong, military technology, profit-hungry, unethical corporation, it's all pretty heavily explored territory. But you know what? That doesn't matter one fucking bit because it's never been done quite like this before. And for a purported budget of around $30,000 (according to IMDb) the filmmakers have done a pretty impressive job of stretching that out. The effects and gore are nicely done, it has a nice soundtrack, the pacing of the film is pretty even. The acting is a bit hit or miss but for a low budget indie effort it's actually above what I normally expect, and the titular character herself is impressively played by both Heather Hall (as pre-experiment Mary) and Cindy Means (as the PMS COP). But most of all it's entertaining and elicits the kind of feeling that I used to get from old exploitation flicks from back in the day. If I have one real criticism it's that I would have liked to have seen the mayhem spread city-wide rather than mostly in one building, but that's hardly a complaint at all. Highly recommended if you're looking for a fun modern take on classic exploitation.

COFFY (1973) Review

Directed by: Jack Hill
Written by: Jack Hill
Starring: Pam Grier, Booker Bradshaw, Sid Haig, Robert DoQui, William Elliott, Allan Arbus

"THE BADDEST ONE-CHICK HIT-SQUAD THAT EVER HIT TOWN"

Prepare yourself for one of the greatest examples of blaxploitation cinema ever. This is the movie that kickstarted Pam Grier's career and won over the hearts (and other certain body parts...) of men everywhere, with her combination of sex appeal and take-no-prisoners attitude. And with good reason; COFFY is an incredible and unforgettable piece of exploitation filmmaking with enough sex, violence, nudity and action to please just about anybody. Reminiscent of vigilante movies like DEATHWISH (but actually preceding it) COFFY has Pam Grier hunting down and exacting revenge on the drug-pushing scum of the city after her sister became hooked on The Big H.

A film's opening scene is usually a good indicator of how enjoyable is going to be, and COFFY has a pretty awesome opener.
Acting the part of a strung out junkie, Coffy (Grier) leads a big-time pusher and a not-so-big-time pusher back to an apartment where - as long as they can hook her up with some smack - she promises to do anything they want. But before Mr Big has time to get his rocks off Coffy pulls a sawn-off shotgun from her macramé purse and blows his no good fucking head off. It's pretty amazing, not quite MANIAC (or even that girl getting her brains blown out in THE BEYOND) amazing, but still pretty amazing. Then she ODs the other dealer before going on her merry way. What a badass.

After her friend and ex-lover - a nice guy cop named Carter (Elliott) - suffers brain damage at the hands of some home invaders (organized by his corrupt cop brethren), Coffy goes ballistic and takes out all manner of scum from the lowliest pusher to mobsters and even a corrupt politician. In order to do this she passes herself off as a Jamaican hooker named Mystique so that she can get up close and personal with her victims before blowing them away. Apart from her mastery of seduction Coffy's biggest asset is her ability to manipulate any situation in her favor, no matter how dire things seem. Getting caught red-handed trying to assassinate mob boss Vitroni (Arbus) is no problem as she smoothly twists the situation around and lays all the blame on pimp daddy King George (DoQui).

There are so many great scenes in this film and the opening shotgun blast to the face is just the beginning. Watch as Coffy gets into a catfight with a roomful of hookers, a fight which ends up tearing a lot of clothing and exposing a lot of boob, and gets bloody thanks to a couple of cleverly concealed razorblades. Watch as Sid Haig's sadistic thug Omar takes King George for a ride around the block, trailing from the back of the car by a rope and leaving a bloodied and mangled corpse by the journey's end. And of course there's the scene where Coffy grills a lesbian junkie just as her 'old man' Harriet walks in the door.

And then there are the characters themselves. There's Coffy of course, but then there's the corrupt congressman Brunswick (Bradshaw), the fabulously dressed pimp King George, violent thug Omar (played with relish by Sid Haig) and a host of other colorful characters. Another notable inclusion is Allan Arbus who plays mobster Arturo Vitroni. I had fond childhood memories of Arbus' portrayal of the kindly psychiatrist Sidney Freedman in about a dozen episodes of M*A*S*H, fond memories which were swiftly shattered as soon as he told Pam Grier to get on her knees, called her a nigger and then spat in her face. Good times.
I could go on about COFFY all day but I don't want to spoil too much. If you take anything away from this review I hope it's the notion that COFFY is fucking rad and you should go watch it now. Because it is and you should.